Archive

Archive for the ‘The Arts’ Category

November 26

April 24th, 2014 Comments off

Skip to the last page when reading a book you find unbearably boring.

(…)

December 31

This next year donate extra time and resources to a cause you believe in.

 

November 20

July 30th, 2013 Comments off

Avoid being sarcastic or rude in an e-mail or voicemail message. They can be endlessly retrieved and replayed.

Although endlessly replaying sarcastic, rude remarks seems to have worked well for Two and a Half Men.

November 19

July 29th, 2013 Comments off

Never tell a singer he reminds you of someone else who’s more successful.

It’s much better to tell him he reminds you of someone who’s a failure.

Categories: Mr. Know-It-All, The Arts

November 17

July 15th, 2013 Comments off

Should good fortune visit you, never ask why.

Should Wheel of Fortune visit you, never ask for a vowel.

November 12

December 7th, 2012 Comments off

Be prudent in your promises and prompt in carrying them out.

“I promise to post a joke for this calendar entry right now!” – Ed Pierce, November 12, 2008

November 9

November 21st, 2012 Comments off

A compliment is the easiest and most appreciated form of communication.

But semaphore is still the bitchin’est.

November 5

November 9th, 2012 Comments off

Instead of asking young people what they someday want to do, ask them who they presently admire.

Be sure to have Wikipedia pre-loaded on your phone, though, because you’ll need to look up whoever it is they say.

November 4

November 9th, 2012 Comments off

Never regret money spent on old books, old dogs, and old friends.

Be extremely stingy with new friends and puppies, though.

And, come on, stop buying books.

November 1

June 3rd, 2012 Comments off

When deplaning, thank the captain for a safe and comfortable flight.

“Now you tell me!” — Herve Villechez

October 29

February 25th, 2012 Comments off

Don’t be critical of beginners.

At least it’s better than Midnight in Paris.

October 25

September 10th, 2011 Comments off

Become knowledgeable about antiques, oriental rugs, and contemporary art.

That way, when people see you eating out of a dumpster, you can slay them with irony.

October 21

July 10th, 2011 Comments off

Life is a term paper. Don’t wait until the last minute to get started.

Or, as Tom Cochrane put it:

“Life is a term paper…

I wanna write it all night long.”

 

October 17

April 6th, 2011 Comments off

Once in a while pick up an unfamiliar magazine, thumb through it, and read the “letter from the editor.”

In other words, start living!


October 12

March 13th, 2011 Comments off

Never double-cross someone who knows your secrets.

Unless you’re prepared to fake your own death, like the guy in “Dave.” Or Elvis.