Archive

Archive for the ‘The Arts’ Category

October 9

January 1st, 2011 Comments off

No reservations are necessary when you travel in books.

Because the Nerd Hotel has plenty of vacancies.

October 4

December 27th, 2010 Comments off

Every spring set out a couple of tomato plants.

After all, the summer theatre season is right around the corner.

September 30

December 27th, 2010 Comments off

There are ten things you do in private; two of which are cutting your toenails and using a toothpick.

The other eight are:

  • searching through Facebook for old girlfreinds
  • wittily answering Johnny Carson’s questions
  • writing entries in your revenge journal
  • celebrating Thanksgiving
  • planning investment strategies for your future lottery winnings
  • spellchecking your Craigslist response
  • celebrating your birthday
  • Wii Fit

September 29

December 16th, 2010 Comments off

You are not what you wear. You are not what you sell. You are not what you drive. You are not where you live. You are what you strive to be.

So, I strive to be a guy in Hugo Boss who drives the Batmobile from his home on Lake Como to his job selling Dyson Air Multiplier™ bladeless fans.

September 25

December 1st, 2010 Comments off

If you’re a stranger, don’t let darkness catch you in unfamiliar rural mountains.

And, whatever you do, don’t get in any banjo duels.

September 24

December 1st, 2010 Comments off

Don’t hurry trouble. There’s plenty for everyone.

Another reason to not hurry is that you don’t want to accidently break the Pop-O-Matic bubble.

September 18

July 13th, 2010 Comments off

Don’t be discouraged. Remember, to begin anything is usually to begin it badly.

Also remember: the Man, he ain’t so hard to understand.

September 17

July 13th, 2010 Comments off

Watch the clock, and you’ll always be just one of the hands.

Which must mean you’re looking in a mirror. And that the hands have eyes. And what about your hands – where are they? SOMEONE WAKE ME FROM THIS DALI-DESIGNED DREAM SEQUENCE!

September 14

July 5th, 2010 Comments off

Begin a collection of books with the word “wisdom” in the title.

Like “X-Men: Wisdom – Rudiments of Wisdom,” “Food Drying Techniques: Storey Country Wisdom Bulletin A-197,” and “Operative Extraction of Wisdom Teeth.”

September 12

June 30th, 2010 Comments off

Inspire an emerging local artist by buying a piece of his work.

The lower right corner is usually the best piece; you know, where his signature is.

September 11

June 30th, 2010 Comments off

Position a ladder properly. It’s time well spent.

Just ask Blutarsky.

September 3

June 21st, 2010 Comments off

Honor family traditions.

Unless they involve kazoos.

August 31

June 8th, 2010 Comments off

At a family reunion, be the one who takes the most photographs.

Off the walls, out of albums, from the refrigerator door, it doesn’t matter – JUST TAKE THEM! WE’RE SICK OF LOOKING AT THEM!

August 27

June 8th, 2010 Comments off

Just one idea, one person, one book, and everything can change.

And, if you haven’t seen it, believe me, it’s a hell of a magic trick. That Copperfield’s amazing.