Avoid being sarcastic or rude in an e-mail or voicemail message. They can be endlessly retrieved and replayed.
Although endlessly replaying sarcastic, rude remarks seems to have worked well for Two and a Half Men.
Be prudent in your promises and prompt in carrying them out.
“I promise to post a joke for this calendar entry right now!” – Ed Pierce, November 12, 2008
Choose carefully the company you hire to move you— whether across town or across country. Get recommendations from real estate brokers and friends who’ve recently moved. Never accept a quote over the phone. Have one of their representatives visit your home and discuss the move.
Sounds like somebody hired a bad mover
When deplaning, thank the captain for a safe and comfortable flight.
“Now you tell me!” — Herve Villechez
No matter how many times you’ve been around the barn, there’s a chance you’ll step in something today that wasn’t there yesterday.
We’re talking about sex here, right?
Get rid of gum before an interview.
By blowing up the Juicy Fruit factory.
If you can’t find a job you like, at least work for someone you like.
Like, the nice pimp.
There are ten things you do in private; two of which are cutting your toenails and using a toothpick.
The other eight are:
You are not what you wear. You are not what you sell. You are not what you drive. You are not where you live. You are what you strive to be.
So, I strive to be a guy in Hugo Boss who drives the Batmobile from his home on Lake Como to his job selling Dyson Air Multiplier™ bladeless fans.
No one glides easily into excellence. It’s always a struggle.
But that’s what K-Y’s for.
Watch the clock, and you’ll always be just one of the hands.
Which must mean you’re looking in a mirror. And that the hands have eyes. And what about your hands – where are they? SOMEONE WAKE ME FROM THIS DALI-DESIGNED DREAM SEQUENCE!
Position a ladder properly. It’s time well spent.
Just ask Blutarsky.
Leave a deserving server a ten-dollar tip. Hand it to her personally.
If your deserving server is male, punch him in the stomach and tell him to get a man’s job.
Encourage a good student to become a teacher.
So that the bad students can get all the really good jobs. You’re welcome.