Archive for the ‘Work’ Category

September 7

June 28th, 2010 Comments off

Test-drive a Saturn SKY convertible.

You might like it so much, you’ll buy the company!

Categories: Father Knows Best, Travel, Work

August 25

June 8th, 2010 Comments off

Surprise a friend at work with a morning cup of coffee and an apple fritter.

If you don’t know what an “apple fritter” is, ask someone who’s done time. Surprise, indeed!

August 15

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

If you’re looking for a break, remember, good luck gets up at sunrise.

That’s why milkmen are the luckiest people in the world, as proven in a number of adult videos.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Work

August 9

January 13th, 2010 Comments off

Stand when greeting a visitor to your office.

Try to remember to put your pants back on first.

August 8

December 29th, 2009 Comments off

Don’t disappoint your talents.

Stop disappointing your parents.

July 29

December 22nd, 2009 Comments off

Don’t try to out-trade a man who squats on his heels when he talks to you.

Because you don’t want to conduct a business transaction with a man while he’s going to the bathroom.

July 9

November 1st, 2009 Comments off

You don’t have to originate great ideas, but you must be able to recognize one when it comes strutting by.

That way, when you’re old and bitter, you’ll be able to count exactly how many great ideas you watched strut by.

July 3

October 26th, 2009 Comments off

Remember the birthday of anyone who’s helped you move.

It’s March 10th.

July 1

October 25th, 2009 Comments off

When asking someone to be a reference, ask by phone or in person , not by e-mail.

Because, let’s face it, e-mail from you never makes it past the spam filter.

June 29

October 14th, 2009 Comments off

Take not the third drink, nor the third donut.

Otherwise, the staff meeting will just get ugly.

Categories: Food, Work

June 27

October 13th, 2009 Comments off

Don’t build a new home or remodel an old one by long distance. Like a marriage, this demands daily involvement every step of the way.

And change up the times you show up each day. That way, if your contractor’s cheating on you, and they all do, you can catch the lying whore in the act! That’s right! No good cheaters — ALL OF THEM!

June 1

July 28th, 2009 Comments off

Marry someone who loves to vacuum. That person has many other fine qualities, too.

Which will make it tough when The Bachelorette has to choose between James Dyson and David Oreck.

May 31

July 13th, 2009 Comments off

Dress a little better than your clients but not as well as your boss.

The phenomenon in which your clients dress better than your boss is called “Armani’s Paradox.” (See Efron, B. (1990). More efficient stitching computations. J. Amer. Statist. Assoc.)

May 28

July 12th, 2009 Comments off

Resist anything described as quaint.

Or quixotic. Or quazy.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Travel, Work