Archive for the ‘Finance’ Category

November 17

July 15th, 2013 Comments off

Should good fortune visit you, never ask why.

Should Wheel of Fortune visit you, never ask for a vowel.

November 4

November 9th, 2012 Comments off

Never regret money spent on old books, old dogs, and old friends.

Be extremely stingy with new friends and puppies, though.

And, come on, stop buying books.

November 3

November 9th, 2012 Comments off

Don’t waste time currying favor with those you don’t respect.

But, then who will ever be on Celebrity Apprentice?

October 31

June 3rd, 2012 Comments off

It’s difficult to take advantage of an honest man.

Because they’re always broke.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Finance

October 22

July 10th, 2011 Comments off

Occasionally be silly, but never with money.

Only be silly when you’re broke.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Finance

September 30

December 27th, 2010 Comments off

There are ten things you do in private; two of which are cutting your toenails and using a toothpick.

The other eight are:

  • searching through Facebook for old girlfreinds
  • wittily answering Johnny Carson’s questions
  • writing entries in your revenge journal
  • celebrating Thanksgiving
  • planning investment strategies for your future lottery winnings
  • spellchecking your Craigslist response
  • celebrating your birthday
  • Wii Fit

September 29

December 16th, 2010 Comments off

You are not what you wear. You are not what you sell. You are not what you drive. You are not where you live. You are what you strive to be.

So, I strive to be a guy in Hugo Boss who drives the Batmobile from his home on Lake Como to his job selling Dyson Air Multiplierâ„¢ bladeless fans.

September 26

December 3rd, 2010 Comments off

Never buy property on Swearing Hill Road.

Because it’s really hard to get up it. You see? Swearing Hill. Get it?

Plus it’s on fire. And haunted.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Finance

September 15

July 10th, 2010 Comments off

Once a month visit an “Open House” in an area upscale to your own.

Because it’s so much fun seeing stuff you can never, ever have. Monthly.

August 3

December 27th, 2009 Comments off

If you have to choose cheap, don’t choose cheap and ugly.

Yes, be sure to get that cheap, pretty stuff we’re always hearing about.

July 29

December 22nd, 2009 Comments off

Don’t try to out-trade a man who squats on his heels when he talks to you.

Because you don’t want to conduct a business transaction with a man while he’s going to the bathroom.

July 9

November 1st, 2009 Comments off

You don’t have to originate great ideas, but you must be able to recognize one when it comes strutting by.

That way, when you’re old and bitter, you’ll be able to count exactly how many great ideas you watched strut by.

July 5

November 1st, 2009 Comments off

Treat yourself to a massage on your birthday.

Although it might be difficult at first for you to reach the middle of your back, the effort itself is a treat!

June 30

October 14th, 2009 Comments off

Never try to out-trade a man wearing bib overalls and highly polished shoes.

Because he obviously traded his suit for those overalls, so he’s a pro, all right.