You never sound as smart or appear as appealing as you think you do.
You also don’t have as many friends as you think you do. Happy birthday!
You are not what you wear. You are not what you sell. You are not what you drive. You are not where you live. You are what you strive to be.
So, I strive to be a guy in Hugo Boss who drives the Batmobile from his home on Lake Como to his job selling Dyson Air Multiplier™ bladeless fans.
When someone’s down, don’t pile on.
And when someone’s wearing down, don’t nylon.
No need to strain yourself. Just one great idea a year is all that’s necessary.
No, “growing a soul patch” doesn’t count.
If you have to choose cheap, don’t choose cheap and ugly.
Yes, be sure to get that cheap, pretty stuff we’re always hearing about.
Never try to out-trade a man wearing bib overalls and highly polished shoes.
Because he obviously traded his suit for those overalls, so he’s a pro, all right.
Dress a little better than your clients but not as well as your boss.
The phenomenon in which your clients dress better than your boss is called “Armani’s Paradox.” (See Efron, B. (1990). More efficient stitching computations. J. Amer. Statist. Assoc.)
Young people foolish with their money rarely change their ways.
Or their underwear.
I mean, not buying clean underwear is pretty foolish, you have to admit.
When interviewing for a job, wear your very best.
Rainbow wig.
When visiting parents and in-laws, dress respectfully.
Sure, they may initially be uncomfortable with the sight of you dressing in front of them, but when your in-laws see you’re doing it respectfully…
Learn how to press a shirt like a professional.
Let me help you get started:
http://www.alamolaundry.com/tour.shtml
Never buy health products advertised on an infomercial.
Before you start to panic — Snuggies don’t count.
Don’t succumb to Casual Fridays.
It’s what’s know as a “gateway” dress code, leading to muumuus, tracksuits, and, in extreme cases, dickeys.
A dark suit and a dark tie is the acceptable attire when attending a funeral.
Unless it’s the funeral for Steve Jobs. Then black turtlenecks will also be accepted.