Should good fortune visit you, never ask why.
Should Wheel of Fortune visit you, never ask for a vowel.
Never pass up a chance to play catch with a youngster.
Pro Tip: toddlers are easier to catch, but babies are easier to throw.
Every spring set out a couple of tomato plants.
After all, the summer theatre season is right around the corner.
Never call someone a coward. She could go to extreme measures to prove you wrong.
Like running for Vice President. Or President, for that matter.
Don’t own a boat. Have a friend who owns a boat.
And steal it.
Measure a man’s character not by his speed but by his direction.
And that’s why I’ve always said that Jeff Gordon is a man of counter-clockwise character.
Remember, when you beat an enemy, you still have an enemy.
But when an enemy beats you, you have a friend for life.
Never hire as your business partner someone who carries golf clubs in his car trunk.
Because country clubs frown on people driving their cars around the course. Or don’t they teach you that in “business” school?
Keep several irons in the fire.
You’ll get greater distance and less slicing.
Accept that once or twice you’ll have to hold your nose, close your eyes, and jump off life’s high board.
Whew, that’s a relief! I thought it was going to be “and sleep with Donald Trump.”