Never book an interior cabin on a cruse ship.
Because they don’t have windows, and, without windows, how are you going to get rid of all the rats every morning?
Don’t go where you don’t want to be found.
Unless you don’t want to be found. Then go there. And take D. B. Cooper his mail. It’s piling up.
When at a traffic signal, hold in your stomach for the length of the red light. This strengthens stomach muscles.
Don’t worry. The honking of the people behind you will revive you when you pass out.
Life is a term paper. Don’t wait until the last minute to get started.
Or, as Tom Cochrane put it:
“Life is a term paper…
I wanna write it all night long.”
Ask someone to pick up your mail and daily paper when you’re out of town. Those are the first two things potential burglars look for.
Because there’s nothing thieves covet more than the Tribune and Lands’ End catalogs.
Don’t allow your children under the age of eighteen to drive a car after midnight.
Or it will turn into a pumpkin.
If you’re a stranger, don’t let darkness catch you in unfamiliar rural mountains.
And, whatever you do, don’t get in any banjo duels.
Ask someone to pick up your mail and daily paper when you’re out of town. Those are the first two things potential burglars look for.
There’s nothing thieves covet more than the Tribune and Lands’ End catalogs.
Test-drive a Saturn SKY convertible.
You might like it so much, you’ll buy the company!
Walk down the street where your grandparents grew up.
And it will be exactly the same as it was then. Really. Try it.
Never visit a new city without buying a tacky two- or three-dollar souvenir.
And remember, “tacky” means “sticky.”
Never turn down a chance to participate in a small-town parade.
Why leave it to chance? Just start walking down Main Street. Right now.
Plan for the future. That’s where you’ll spend all your tomorrows.
Unless you’re Dr. Sam Beckett, of course.
When traveling, don’t leave behind personal mail or magazines that have your name and address.
“Darling, do you remember that week we spent in Paris?”
“How could I forget? I paid some of our loveliest bills from there.”