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Archive for the ‘The Law’ Category

November 10

December 5th, 2012 Comments off

Beware of a conversation where “to be perfectly honest” or “quite frankly” is used by someone struggling to make a point.

Because that means that he’s about to admit to being the murderer, and he’ll likely pull a gun on you, which, you’ll admit, you did not see coming.

Categories: Father Knows Best, The Law

October 19

June 24th, 2011 Comments off

Read a biography on Albert Schweitzer.

On his stomach, if he’s lying down. On the top of his head, if he’s seated. Definitely not on his lap. That’s creepy.

September 13

July 2nd, 2010 Comments off

Ask someone to pick up your mail and daily paper when you’re out of town. Those are the first two things potential burglars look for.

There’s nothing thieves covet more than the Tribune and Lands’ End catalogs.

September 2

June 21st, 2010 Comments off

Self-expression stops when you encounter a police officer or judge. That’s what lawyers are for.

A lawyer’s also useful if you encounter a grizzly bear. Especially if the lawyer can’t run as fast as you.

August 25

June 8th, 2010 Comments off

Surprise a friend at work with a morning cup of coffee and an apple fritter.

If you don’t know what an “apple fritter” is, ask someone who’s done time. Surprise, indeed!

August 20

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

Smile and wave at neighbors, even those who never wave back.

That way, they’ll be more believable character witnesses for you.

August 18

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

Come to a full stop at stop signs. Disregard this simple law, and it becomes easier to disobey important ones.

Who can forget that opening scene in Goodfellas, where a 16-year-old Henry Hill fails to come to a complete stop at an intersection? Not me. Chilling.

Categories: Father Knows Best, The Law

July 26

December 22nd, 2009 Comments off

Don’t jaywalk.

Moonwalk.

You know, in tribute.

July 9

November 1st, 2009 Comments off

You don’t have to originate great ideas, but you must be able to recognize one when it comes strutting by.

That way, when you’re old and bitter, you’ll be able to count exactly how many great ideas you watched strut by.

June 10

July 31st, 2009 Comments off

Improve your ability to really see something by drawing it.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the United Nations Security Council…

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… I rest my case.” – Colin Powell, February 5, 2003.

June 6

July 29th, 2009 Comments off

When someone answers, “I don’t care,” ask more questions, because she really does.

You know she really cares. So ask and ask and ask and keep asking! Disrupt her sleep patterns. Show her the waterboard. Do whatever it takes to find out the truth!

(Remember, it isn’t “torture” if you get good information.)

May 8

June 20th, 2009 Comments off

Remember, lawyers seldom say, “Forget it. You don’t have a good case.”

That’s why I get all my legal advice from EX-lawyers. You know, bartenders and TV producers.

Categories: Father Knows Best, The Law