Archive

Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

June 14

August 3rd, 2009 Comments off

Drink low-fat milk.

So that you’ve got more room for all those bacon and eggs.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Food

June 5

July 28th, 2009 Comments off

Don’t die with dessert still in the fridge.

“Gah! My heart! Quick – get me the cannoli!”

May 26

July 12th, 2009 Comments off

When trying out a new restaurant, visit the restroom first. It will tell you all you need to know.

Like what the daily special is.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Food

May 15

July 1st, 2009 Comments off

Know a place to get a good breakfast where the waitresses call you “hon.”

Because that’s the closest you’ll get to having a girlfriend.

May 4

June 14th, 2009 Comments off

Make no promises and offer no compliments after two glasses of wine.

In fact, be surly and uncooperative. In time, there won’t be anyone around to compliment or make promises to. Win win.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Food

May 3

June 14th, 2009 Comments off

When you are a dinner guest at a restaurant, don’t order anything more expensive than your host.

The trick is figuring out how expensive your host really is.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Food

May 1

June 14th, 2009 Comments off

When all else fails, order pizza.

Like Eva said in the bunker, “Hold that thought, Adolph. The Domino’s guy’s here.”

April 11

May 6th, 2009 Comments off

Make a big deal over anyone who bakes you a pie or cake.

“Oooooo. Look who baked me a pie! Mr. Baker-man! Well, aren’t WE a big deal, Mr. Baker-man!”

You mean like that?

March 29

April 1st, 2009 Comments off

Remember that the person who steals an egg will steal a chicken.

But which will he steal first?

March 24

March 30th, 2009 Comments off

Never place food on a hotel bedspread. They are cleaned infrequently.

Well there goes my traditional “meatloaf with mashed potatoes and hold the plates” room service order.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Food, Travel

March 12

March 12th, 2009 Comments off

Always prepare more soup and bake more cookies than you need. Share them.

Damn it—SHARE THEM!!

Categories: Father Knows Best, Food

February 15

February 25th, 2009 Comments off

Don’t let anyone ever see you tipsy.

It’s much better to do all your drinking by yourself. Down in the basement. Hiding behind the washer. With a flashlight.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Food

February 5

February 10th, 2009 Comments off

If you’re bored, plant a garden. It will keep you busy for the next eight months.

Or just go ahead and get pregnant.

February 4

February 10th, 2009 Comments off

Forget the flowers, forget the brownies; bake someone a pineapple upside-down cake.

You want to really impress them? Forget the pineapple and bake them a cake upside-down. Like a bat would.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Food