Archive

Archive for the ‘Mr. Know-It-All’ Category

July 12

November 1st, 2009 Comments off

“Good manners and soft words have brought many a difficult thing to pass.” – Sir John Vanbrugh

I guesss he said that before the invention of Ex-Lax.

Categories: Medicine, Mr. Know-It-All

June 17

August 16th, 2009 Comments off

Prove to yourself how well you know something by attempting to explain it to someone else.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the United Nations Security Council…

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… I rest my case.” – Colin Powell, February 5, 2003.

June 16

August 6th, 2009 Comments off

Resist helping a child with a task until he asks.

Or until he starts swearing like a sailor. Like you do.

June 6

July 29th, 2009 Comments off

When someone answers, “I don’t care,” ask more questions, because she really does.

You know she really cares. So ask and ask and ask and keep asking! Disrupt her sleep patterns. Show her the waterboard. Do whatever it takes to find out the truth!

(Remember, it isn’t “torture” if you get good information.)

May 18

July 2nd, 2009 Comments off

When criticizing or complimenting, be sincere, be specific, and be brief.

I find “You suck!” works well.

Categories: Mr. Know-It-All

April 19

May 9th, 2009 Comments off

Never ask an accountant, lawyer, or doctor professional questions in a social setting.

Because you will always—ALWAYS—get billed for it.

April 17

May 9th, 2009 Comments off

Remember, there are few things more powerful than the right word spoken at the right time.

Like when Auntie Em said, “Tornado!” and the whole house started flying. Powerful!

Categories: Mr. Know-It-All

April 8

May 5th, 2009 Comments off

If you can’t give good advice, set a good example.

By giving bad advice and walking away, whistling.

April 1

May 2nd, 2009 Comments off

Attend a lecture on a subject you know nothing about.

Sit in the front row and hold up cue cards with questions. If the presenter ignores you, start asking the questions, every 3 minutes, with increasing volume. If he has you thrown out, yell, “NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND!” then throw a shoe.

Categories: Education, Mr. Know-It-All

March 30

April 4th, 2009 Comments off

The man with confidence, not experience, is the one followed into battle.

You’ll be able to pick out the man with experience. He’s the one saying, “Have a great time, suckers!”

March 26

April 1st, 2009 Comments off

Try to learn at least one new fact from every conversation you have.

Usually it will be: Man, that guy’s stupid.

Categories: Education, Mr. Know-It-All

March 20

March 30th, 2009 Comments off

Help a kid build a tree house.

And make sure that that kid knows he owes you.

Categories: Etiquette, Mr. Know-It-All

March 9

March 9th, 2009 Comments off

Never make an uncomplimentary comment about someone’s dog, child, or golf swing.

Spouses are still fair game? Whew, that’s good!

Categories: Mr. Know-It-All

March 7

March 7th, 2009 Comments off

When you want to make a point, tell a story.

Do you see what I’m saying? Well, perhaps I can explain it more clearly by telling you the story of the man who always made his points by telling stories, usually about people who told stories to make their points.

Categories: Mr. Know-It-All, The Arts