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Archive for the ‘Father Knows Best’ Category

November 6

November 9th, 2012 Comments off

Choose carefully the company you hire to move you— whether across town or across country. Get recommendations from real estate brokers and friends who’ve recently moved. Never accept a quote over the phone. Have one of their representatives visit your home and discuss the move.

Sounds like somebody hired a bad mover

Categories: Father Knows Best, Work

November 4

November 9th, 2012 Comments off

Never regret money spent on old books, old dogs, and old friends.

Be extremely stingy with new friends and puppies, though.

And, come on, stop buying books.

November 3

November 9th, 2012 Comments off

Don’t waste time currying favor with those you don’t respect.

But, then who will ever be on Celebrity Apprentice?

November 2

November 9th, 2012 Comments off

Be praised for your integrity; be respected for your courage.

Be feared for your laser-emitting eyeballs.

October 30

November 9th, 2012 Comments off

You can still be courteous when all else fails.

Especially if "all else" means your brakes. Because nobody likes a rude driver.

Categories: Father Knows Best

October 26

June 3rd, 2012 Comments off

Don’t go where you don’t want to be found.

Unless you don’t want to be found. Then go there. And take D. B. Cooper his mail. It’s piling up.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Travel

October 28

June 3rd, 2012 Comments off

Never offer two excuses when one will do.

In fact, no one wants to hear the first one, so why are you still talking?

Categories: Father Knows Best

November 1

June 3rd, 2012 Comments off

When deplaning, thank the captain for a safe and comfortable flight.

“Now you tell me!” – Herve Villechez

October 31

June 3rd, 2012 Comments off

It’s difficult to take advantage of an honest man.

Because they’re always broke.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Finance

October 30

March 24th, 2012 Comments off

You can still be courteous when all else fails.

Especially if “all else” means your brakes. Because nobody likes a rude driver.

October 29

February 25th, 2012 Comments off

Don’t be critical of beginners.

At least it’s better than Midnight in Paris.

October 25

September 10th, 2011 Comments off

Become knowledgeable about antiques, oriental rugs, and contemporary art.

That way, when people see you eating out of a dumpster, you can slay them with irony.

October 24

September 10th, 2011 Comments off

When at a traffic signal, hold in your stomach for the length of the red light. This strengthens stomach muscles.

Don’t worry. The honking of the people behind you will revive you when you pass out.

October 23

September 10th, 2011 Comments off

For emergencies, place matches, candles, and flashlights in several rooms of your home.

Because, as the old saying tells us, “Batten down the hatches; Zombies hate the matches.”