Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category

August 17

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

Avoid any couple that argues and disagrees with each other in public.

Unless they’re Abbott & Costello. And it’s 65 years ago.

August 9

January 13th, 2010 Comments off

Stand when greeting a visitor to your office.

Try to remember to put your pants back on first.

August 1

December 23rd, 2009 Comments off

Never leave early from a wedding, funeral, or an appreciation dinner.

Or you’ll miss the good stuff. And I’m talking about booze.

July 29

December 22nd, 2009 Comments off

Don’t try to out-trade a man who squats on his heels when he talks to you.

Because you don’t want to conduct a business transaction with a man while he’s going to the bathroom.

June 21

August 17th, 2009 Comments off

Never snap your fingers to get someone’s attention. It’s rude.

Not to mention the fact that you also run the risk of starting a rumble.

June 15

August 6th, 2009 Comments off

Watch your language. It’s the first clue to the world whether you’re a gentleman or a jerk.

For example, if your language is Spanish, you’re a gentleman. If it’s a pig-latin tinged version of Esperanto, well, ektir-ay.

May 22

July 10th, 2009 Comments off

Don’t share your misery. People have enough of their own.

Somewhere, off in the distance, you can hear Rush Limbaugh laughing all the way to the bank.

May 14

July 1st, 2009 Comments off

In a happy gathering, don’t be the one who tells a sad tale.

For a snappy lathering, don’t be the one who smells a tad stale.

April 25

June 7th, 2009 Comments off

As a man, rise from your chair whenever a woman gets up from the table. This is especially important if the woman is your wife.

Because all women, especially your wife, appreciate a man who can levitate. Just ask David Blaine.

April 11

May 6th, 2009 Comments off

Make a big deal over anyone who bakes you a pie or cake.

“Oooooo. Look who baked me a pie! Mr. Baker-man! Well, aren’t WE a big deal, Mr. Baker-man!”

You mean like that?

April 7

May 5th, 2009 Comments off

Accept praise when it’s offered. Never indicate that it’s undeserved.

That will just be our little secret.

March 25

April 1st, 2009 Comments off

Don’t make a big deal out of doing a friend a favor.

In fact, say, “It’s no big deal.” Followed by, “You’re just indentured to me for life.” Then, tell him to get your dry cleaning.

March 20

March 30th, 2009 Comments off

Help a kid build a tree house.

And make sure that that kid knows he owes you.

Categories: Etiquette, Mr. Know-It-All

March 19

March 20th, 2009 Comments off

Early in the morning, let someone go ahead of you; it will make your day.

Early in the morning?

Well, if crossing your legs to hold it in then rushing headfirst into a giant stink cloud “makes your day,” then you’re better than I am. Or something.