Archive

Archive for April, 2009

March 31

April 4th, 2009 Comments off

When you’re not living up to your ethical standards, increase your efforts; don’t lower your principles.

Because, as a noted ethicist once said, you’ve got these principles, and they’re fucking golden.

March 30

April 4th, 2009 Comments off

The man with confidence, not experience, is the one followed into battle.

You’ll be able to pick out the man with experience. He’s the one saying, “Have a great time, suckers!”

March 29

April 1st, 2009 Comments off

Remember that the person who steals an egg will steal a chicken.

But which will he steal first?

March 28

April 1st, 2009 Comments off

Never tell a child she can’t sing or dance.

Instead, cover your eyes and scream, “Make it stop!” She’ll catch on eventually.

March 27

April 1st, 2009 Comments off

If you can’t smell the magnolias in the springtime, go further south.

Stay tuned for more advice from Coach Jensen, my junior high sex ed. teacher.

March 26

April 1st, 2009 Comments off

Try to learn at least one new fact from every conversation you have.

Usually it will be: Man, that guy’s stupid.

Categories: Education, Mr. Know-It-All

March 25

April 1st, 2009 Comments off

Don’t make a big deal out of doing a friend a favor.

In fact, say, “It’s no big deal.” Followed by, “You’re just indentured to me for life.” Then, tell him to get your dry cleaning.