When you’re not living up to your ethical standards, increase your efforts; don’t lower your principles.
Because, as a noted ethicist once said, you’ve got these principles, and they’re fucking golden.
The man with confidence, not experience, is the one followed into battle.
You’ll be able to pick out the man with experience. He’s the one saying, “Have a great time, suckers!”
Remember that the person who steals an egg will steal a chicken.
But which will he steal first?
Never tell a child she can’t sing or dance.
Instead, cover your eyes and scream, “Make it stop!” She’ll catch on eventually.
If you can’t smell the magnolias in the springtime, go further south.
Stay tuned for more advice from Coach Jensen, my junior high sex ed. teacher.
Try to learn at least one new fact from every conversation you have.
Usually it will be: Man, that guy’s stupid.
Don’t make a big deal out of doing a friend a favor.
In fact, say, “It’s no big deal.” Followed by, “You’re just indentured to me for life.” Then, tell him to get your dry cleaning.