Don’t stop too soon. Just one more stroke is what fells the tree.
Whoops. I forgot to mention that this instruction is NSFW. Sorry about that.
Know when to say, “Let me get back to you on that.”
And when will you teach me when to say, “Let me get back to you on that?”
(self-recursive silence)
Get to know your neighbors.
Use caution if they sing songs about you “grow[ing] twelve inches today.”
Don’t cut corners.
[Insert joke here.]
Regardless of your age, listen to your mother.
I listened to your mother last night, and that’s how I ended up in this padlocked dog collar.
Remember, lawyers seldom say, “Forget it. You don’t have a good case.”
That’s why I get all my legal advice from EX-lawyers. You know, bartenders and TV producers.
Sunday is Mother’s Day. Remember your mom in a special way.
Well that’s just gross.
Remember, when you beat an enemy, you still have an enemy.
But when an enemy beats you, you have a friend for life.
When interviewed, be a dripping faucet. not a fire hose.
Unless you’re being interviewed for an adult film role.
Make no promises and offer no compliments after two glasses of wine.
In fact, be surly and uncooperative. In time, there won’t be anyone around to compliment or make promises to. Win win.
When you are a dinner guest at a restaurant, don’t order anything more expensive than your host.
The trick is figuring out how expensive your host really is.
Cut yourself some slack. You don’t have to master everything you try. Sometimes just enjoying the experience is payment enough.
From the introduction of George W. Bush’s memoir, Eight and Out.
When all else fails, order pizza.
Like Eva said in the bunker, “Hold that thought, Adolph. The Domino’s guy’s here.”
If you’re asked to make the hard decisions, it’s because you’re considered the leader.
Or the most expendable.