Revenge is never a good investment.
Their wild swings in effectiveness carry too much risk.
Revenge-backed securities, however, tranched and repackaged, still receive a AAA rating from Moody’s.
Never snap your fingers to get someone’s attention. It’s rude.
Not to mention the fact that you also run the risk of starting a rumble.
Don’t try to squeeze every dollar out of a good deal. Everyone has babies to feed, children to educate, parents to support.
Except for zombies. They don’t; plus, they’re awful negotiators. So go ahead.
(No such thing as zombie merchants, you say? You ever go into a Circuit City?)
Life is steep; pack light.
Luckily for you it’s all downhill from here.
Stay away from dentists who need dental work.
Because if some dentist isn’t talented enough to be able to work on his own teeth, using a complicated system of mirrors and pulleys, then who needs him?
Prove to yourself how well you know something by attempting to explain it to someone else.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the United Nations Security Council…
… I rest my case.” – Colin Powell, February 5, 2003.
Resist helping a child with a task until he asks.
Or until he starts swearing like a sailor. Like you do.
Watch your language. It’s the first clue to the world whether you’re a gentleman or a jerk.
For example, if your language is Spanish, you’re a gentleman. If it’s a pig-latin tinged version of Esperanto, well, ektir-ay.
Drink low-fat milk.
So that you’ve got more room for all those bacon and eggs.
Don’t take seriously anything a woman says when in labor, or what a politician says when before a microphone.
However, grammarians note that what a woman politician in labor before a microphone says should always be taken seriously, due to the double negative. As Nancy Pelosi knows all too well.
Remember, a better way is never found in the past, but always in the future.
“At least, that’s what Doc told me.” – Marty McFly
Marry the right person. It’s life’s only shortcut to happiness.
“Now you tell me!” – Larry King