Archive for August, 2009

June 22

August 24th, 2009 Comments off

Revenge is never a good investment.

Their wild swings in effectiveness carry too much risk.

Revenge-backed securities, however, tranched and repackaged, still receive a AAA rating from Moody’s.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Finance

June 21

August 17th, 2009 Comments off

Never snap your fingers to get someone’s attention. It’s rude.

Not to mention the fact that you also run the risk of starting a rumble.

June 20

August 17th, 2009 Comments off

Don’t try to squeeze every dollar out of a good deal. Everyone has babies to feed, children to educate, parents to support.

Except for zombies. They don’t; plus, they’re awful negotiators. So go ahead.

(No such thing as zombie merchants, you say? You ever go into a Circuit City?)

June 19

August 16th, 2009 Comments off

Life is steep; pack light.

Luckily for you it’s all downhill from here.

June 18

August 16th, 2009 Comments off

Stay away from dentists who need dental work.

Because if some dentist isn’t talented enough to be able to work on his own teeth, using a complicated system of mirrors and pulleys, then who needs him?

June 17

August 16th, 2009 Comments off

Prove to yourself how well you know something by attempting to explain it to someone else.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the United Nations Security Council…


… I rest my case.” – Colin Powell, February 5, 2003.

June 16

August 6th, 2009 Comments off

Resist helping a child with a task until he asks.

Or until he starts swearing like a sailor. Like you do.

June 15

August 6th, 2009 Comments off

Watch your language. It’s the first clue to the world whether you’re a gentleman or a jerk.

For example, if your language is Spanish, you’re a gentleman. If it’s a pig-latin tinged version of Esperanto, well, ektir-ay.

June 14

August 3rd, 2009 Comments off

Drink low-fat milk.

So that you’ve got more room for all those bacon and eggs.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Food

June 13

August 3rd, 2009 Comments off

Don’t take seriously anything a woman says when in labor, or what a politician says when before a microphone.

However, grammarians note that what a woman politician in labor before a microphone says should always be taken seriously, due to the double negative. As Nancy Pelosi knows all too well.

June 12

August 3rd, 2009 Comments off

Remember, a better way is never found in the past, but always in the future.

“At least, that’s what Doc told me.” – Marty McFly

June 11

August 1st, 2009 Comments off

Marry the right person. It’s life’s only shortcut to happiness.

“Now you tell me!”   – Larry King