Archive for May, 2010

August 22

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

No need to strain yourself. Just one great idea a year is all that’s necessary.

No, “growing a soul patch” doesn’t count.

August 21

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

Keep talking about yourself, and those around you will develop hearing problems.

Giving you the opportunity to speak more loudly about yourself. Win/win.

August 20

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

Smile and wave at neighbors, even those who never wave back.

That way, they’ll be more believable character witnesses for you.

August 19

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

When you’re using the bathroom, lock the door.

How did he know I hadn’t… My God, these instructions are coming FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!

August 18

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

Come to a full stop at stop signs. Disregard this simple law, and it becomes easier to disobey important ones.

Who can forget that opening scene in Goodfellas, where a 16-year-old Henry Hill fails to come to a complete stop at an intersection? Not me. Chilling.

Categories: Father Knows Best, The Law

August 17

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

Avoid any couple that argues and disagrees with each other in public.

Unless they’re Abbott & Costello. And it’s 65 years ago.

August 15

May 26th, 2010 Comments off

If you’re looking for a break, remember, good luck gets up at sunrise.

That’s why milkmen are the luckiest people in the world, as proven in a number of adult videos.

Categories: Father Knows Best, Work