Inspire an emerging local artist by buying a piece of his work.
The lower right corner is usually the best piece; you know, where his signature is.
Position a ladder properly. It’s time well spent.
Just ask Blutarsky.
Name a dog Hot Ticket.
Especially if it’s not your dog.
Leave a deserving server a ten-dollar tip. Hand it to her personally.
If your deserving server is male, punch him in the stomach and tell him to get a man’s job.
Encourage a good student to become a teacher.
So that the bad students can get all the really good jobs. You’re welcome.
Test-drive a Saturn SKY convertible.
You might like it so much, you’ll buy the company!
Walk down the street where your grandparents grew up.
And it will be exactly the same as it was then. Really. Try it.
Discover the vastness of America by driving across Kansas.
Because Kansans are really fat.
Self-expression stops when you encounter a police officer or judge. That’s what lawyers are for.
A lawyer’s also useful if you encounter a grizzly bear. Especially if the lawyer can’t run as fast as you.
Honor family traditions.
Unless they involve kazoos.
Never take for granted the often-ignored miracle of turning on a faucet and safely drinking the water that flows out.
Because, with your hand-eye coordination, that is a miracle.
At a family reunion, be the one who takes the most photographs.
Off the walls, out of albums, from the refrigerator door, it doesn’t matter – JUST TAKE THEM! WE’RE SICK OF LOOKING AT THEM!
When someone complains of a fever, touch his forehead with your hand then rush to get a cool cloth to soothe his brow. He will feel better just knowing you care.
This medical tip has been brought to you by The Health Insurance Companies of America, reminding you that, these days, doctors aren’t really necessary.
Choose a different flavor of ice cream each time you restock.
Just like Tiger Woods does.