Ask someone to pick up your mail and daily paper when you’re out of town. Those are the first two things potential burglars look for.
Because there’s nothing thieves covet more than the Tribune and Lands’ End catalogs.
Once in a while pick up an unfamiliar magazine, thumb through it, and read the “letter from the editor.”
In other words, start living!
A snake will bite you even if you buy it ice cream.
Because HOW’S IT SUPPOSED TO HOLD THE CONE, YOU IDIOT?!
No matter how many times you’ve been around the barn, there’s a chance you’ll step in something today that wasn’t there yesterday.
We’re talking about sex here, right?
Don’t allow your children under the age of eighteen to drive a car after midnight.
Or it will turn into a pumpkin.