Li’l Cal

Don’t go where you don’t want to be found.

Unless you don’t want to be found. Then go there. And take D. B. Cooper his mail. It’s piling up.

Never offer two excuses when one will do.

In fact, no one wants to hear the first one, so why are you still talking?

Remember, an insult is remembered twice as long as a compliment.

Because they usually have twice as many words in them.

When deplaning, thank the captain for a safe and comfortable flight.

“Now you tell me!” — Herve Villechez

It’s difficult to take advantage of an honest man.

Because they’re always broke.