Li’l Cal

Avoid being sarcastic or rude in an e-mail or voicemail message. They can be endlessly retrieved and replayed.

Although endlessly replaying sarcastic, rude remarks seems to have worked well for Two and a Half Men.

Never tell a singer he reminds you of someone else who’s more successful.

It’s much better to tell him he reminds you of someone who’s a failure.

Should good fortune visit you, never ask why.

Should Wheel of Fortune visit you, never ask for a vowel.